"An American Crime"

Now that I have watched this movie for the 2nd time I feel like there are some things that I need to express, and what better place than right here?
As I sit here pondering what I should start with or how to put what I feel into words, I find that all I can do is just keep typing to try and get it all out.
Not only is this movie based on the death of Sylvia Likens, but it just seems so real that you feel like you were in the home of Gertrude Baniszewski. I spend a minimum of 37 minutes of this film crying as I watch such terrible things happen. All I want to do is be the one kid who spoke up and did something, I want to be the one to save Sylvia, but I can't and neither could anyone else. And to me that may be the most frightening part of it all. It wasn't just the fact that Gertrude was crazy, but the neighbor kids knew this and instead of getting Sylvia help, they joined in on torturing her.
Is it human nature? Or are these kids just "scared". And that is a question that has no answer. Would kids in 2010 do the same thing as the kids did in 1965? Has the world really changed? Or are people always and forever stuck?
I knew there was a reason that I didn't like people, and I always thought it was just because people are rude, people judge (we all do it, even me), people are just plain annoying. But worst of all, people are unpredictable. You can never really tell what someone is capable of, and that is the scariest thing in the world. This is a big part of why I don't like people. All I can do is sit here and just think about how someone could do something so terrible to another human being. Everyone gets angry, and some may resort to violence. But to do what was done to Sylvia Likens is just unthinkable. And I am not talking about only Sylvia. Harming anyone in anyway is just wrong. And the people who do that, well I think there is no helping them. I believe that people like that having something wrong mentally that cannot be fixed.
I don't think I can ever clearly get out what is going on inside of my head. Frankly there is just a lot of stuff for me to sort through. But what I can say is that I wish I could have helped. Helped Sylvia and Jennie escape, save Sylvia's life. Usually films like this are tagged with "It's Only a Movie" like Wes Cravens "The Last House On The Left". But this is all true. Sylvia Likens was a real girl living with Gertrude Baniszewski.
And like David Kronke from the Los Angeles Daily News said, "Keener is chilling... Page is heartbreaking... Those who see it wont soon forget it". And this is true. This movie changes me as a person every time I think about it. After watching it I always feel different. This movie is one that I will never forget.

My Happiness

It seems as though my life is spiraling out of control, and it has been for a long time now. Its taken me 2 years to come to terms with it, as well as the fact that in reality I don't know if I have ever truly been happy. All through my early childhood I can remember being mostly happy, but my mom being as strict as she was (and still is) I was always limited to what I could do and I have always resented my mother for that. I always hear you cant pick your family and boy is that true. I feel like in some ways God is testing me to see how strong I really am. I have never had as much hatred for anyone as I do for my mother. I always dream of having the great mother-daughter relationships that you see on TV or read about, but my life was and is farthest from that. It is not just that Julie and I don't see eye-to-eye, we don't even live in the same world. She says that I am the selfish one when really everything has to run on "Julie Time" and no matter what you are doing before, you are to drop what you are doing to do what she wants. I don't know about anyone else, but that shit does not fly with me. I have a life that does not revolve around what Julie wants day and night. As I recall I am an 18 year woman working 5 days a week trying to make enough money to get the hell out of her house. I am not some baby who is going to get up and do what she wants at the drop of a dime. And not only the that she hates me because I am the only one who will challenge her and call her out on her bullshit. To her I am arguing and being disrespectful but I don't give a shit. I am not her maid, and just because you scream at me doesn't make me any more eager to do something for you. It actually makes me want to take the pan I am washing and smack you upside your dumb ass head with it. Do I? No. Not yet anyways. One of my biggest pet peeves ever is someone trying to yell as loud as they can as if it helps them get their point across. No you moron you are just being loud and getting on every one's nerves. Honestly Julie has to have anger issues along with bipolar disorder because that bitch is crazy. None the less I have concluded she is one of the reasons that I am mentally unhealthy. My only real goal in life is to be an amazing mother, and Julie has been a great role model of exactly what not to be. With all of the bullshit I am dealing with at home I am going crazy so the goal is to move out asap. What I need is to be healthy and happy, and living in such an atmosphere right now is really not working for me. Getting out of this house will be step one in getting my shit together. But then I have to get rid of the other thing that is holding me back from being a better me and that is Taco Bell, this place messes with me mentally and physically. But I will save that for another post.

--A.

The First.....

This is my first blog and I've been wanting to write one for quite some time, and now that I finally have, I have no idea what to write about. I could just plug away on my laptop and babble about nothing, or I could try to muster up some words of wisdom and I can share with the big group called no one that is reading this. I think I will start off with something short and easy.

I have just graduated from high school and am wondering, "what now?" which seems to be what most 18 years old fresh out of high school do. While most of us plan to go off to college some go straight to work. Which made we think about taking a year off just to work and to save up money. But how could I do that when just thinking about going to work makes me crazy! And not only that but without school I am off of my mothers health insurance. I have too many health problems to not have any health insurance. And my job has the worst health insurance so I guess that is 1 point for school and 0 for working.

My biggest fear, which may sound ridiculous, is that if I wait a whole year to go to college I will be in the same grade as the "junior" class that I went to high school with. Those kids were a pain in my ass for 3 years and I do not want to be associated with them.(2-school 0-work).Now I will be the first one in my family to ever go to college, and if I wait then someone may take my title. I cant have that, I wont have that(3-school 0-work). But if I want to be more independent and move out I need to save up money(3-school 1-work). Having a full time job that works around school hours is going to be hard. I mean people do it everyday....but they look tired and I am still recovering from high school (not that it was hard as much as early and time consuming when you add a job on top of it).

This is something I need to seriously think about because I am running out of time. It looks as if school has won, but I still need to think. I mean this is my future we're talking about here.

This blog had a lot of "I" in it, and a lot of "me" as well as me just rambling. And that is not what this blog is about. So just give me a break this is only my first one. I'll get there eventually.



I thought I would take a second and explain the title of my blog "The Most Precious Rose". This is actually a quote from Kathleen Turner's book Send Yourself Roses: Thoughts on my Life, Loves, and Leading Roles. She states that "Knowledge is the most precious rose". I take this as roses meaning "Knowledge is the most precious gift". And it truly is. Knowledge is something that you gain and you can share. The best gift you can give someone, is knowledge.